Just tell me what you want, what you really, really want.
Let me guess. That Spice Girls song is now trapped in your head and you are either bee-bopping around or cursing me for reminding you about it. Either way, there’s a very strong reminder in the title – open your mouth and TELL people what you want.
But why is it that so many people would rather lose an arm than speak up for themselves?
Most often they do it to “keep the peace” but by keeping your feelings in, and not speaking up for what you want, you create dis-ease within your body which is the EXACT OPPOSITE of peace. Over time, this dis-ease within you can build to the point where it manifests as a physical disease and no amount of people-pleasing is worth risking your health for!
Doing something because of guilt, out of obligation or because you were bullied into it, deprives you of the happiness you are meant to have in this life.
So it’s time to admit how you really feel and speak up for what you want.
Try saying I feel, I felt or to me. These words won’t trigger the other person’s defensiveness because they aren’t accusatory.
While you are talking about your feelings, never diminish, disparage or apologize for how you feel. You have a right to your feelings even if others don’t understand or agree with them.
Your feelings are the language of your soul. You do yourself a great disservice if U do not honour the deep truths within you #ramonaremesat [Tweet this]
Say your peace and then let the other person speak while noticing what your body is telling you. If you get an uneasy feeling that the other person is being untruthful, you’re probably right. People who are dishonest, manipulative or defensive are not the kind of people you want to spend much time with. There are many nontoxic potential friends and partners out there so trust and BELIEVE that you never have to settle for any unhealthy relationship.
Speaking up for what you need is a form of hygiene and just as you wouldn’t beat yourself up for taking a shower or brushing your teeth, don’t beat yourself up for asking for what you want or for sticking to your boundaries. And remember, saying no to things is just as important as telling people what you need.
When you do say no to something, people may take it personally. You can explain that it’s nothing personal but rather it’s about you maintaining clear boundaries with respect to demands on your time. Keep in mind though, you do NOT need to go into a long drawn-out explanation of why you are saying no. As a client once said to me while we were discussing this topic, “No is a complete sentence,” and it’s absolutely true!
When someone asks something of you, take a moment to ask yourself if it’s something you want to do and then ask if it’s even YOURS to do? Often, we get pulled into something out of obligation not because we are the best suited for the task. It’s also perfectly okay to say, “I need to think about that, let me get back to you.” You do not need to give an answer on the spot.
Setting boundaries and speaking up for what you want can feel like a lot of work but ultimately, you will be healthier and happier as a result.
As with anything, practice makes perfect. So start opening your mouth and telling others what you want (what you really, really want) and stop feeling guilty for it.
What’s your take on this? Let me know in the comments below and use the share buttons to spread the word.
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